are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
