i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
