She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
