she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
