can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
