I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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