He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
