your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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