She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
