you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
