Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
