Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
