Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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