spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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