The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
