dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
