dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
