wanna go halves on a baby?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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