Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
