there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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