why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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