I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
