She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
