I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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