It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
