How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
