Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
