And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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