wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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