lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
