I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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