Is it because I queefed?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
