you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
