Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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