im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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