I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
