I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
