spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
