Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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