so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
