So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
