I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
