so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
