Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
