I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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