shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
