is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
