Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
