shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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