Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
