the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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