its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
